Scrum Norris

Yesterday evening there was a thread of scrumnorris going over twitter. Since these messages were in German, let me translate them.

  • Chuck Norris is ScrumMaster and ProductOwner – simultaneously.
  • Chuck Norris can do 6-month sprints.
  • Chuck Norris wears Timeboxershorts.
  • Chuck Norris does not move story cards, he moves the taskboard.
  • Chuck Norris does not estimate, he knows.
  • Chuck Norris pairs alone.
  • Chuck Norris starts project with a Roundhouse-Kickoff.
  • Chuck Norris is allowed to appear late at the stand-up.
  • Chuck Norris sits on the stand-up meeting.
  • Chuck Norris has implemented everything at the planning meeting.
  • Chuck Norris does not estimate user stories, user stories estimate him. (This doesn’t translate well.)
  • Chuck Norris writes the code first, then the test.
  • Chuck Norris is not afraid of bugs, bugs are afraid of him.
  • Chuck Norris does not do Kanban. He does not know limits.
  • Chuck Norris does not pull, he pushes.
  • When Chuck Norris says “done”, then it’s “done”.
  • Chuck Norris does not deploy, he develops on the production environment.
  • Just Chuck Norris knows, that a real burn-down requires napalm.
  • Chuck Norris has no burn-down chart. Around him everything is already burnt down.
  • Chuck Norris answers just two questions on the stand-up meeting. Chuck Norris does not know obstacles.
  • Chuck Norris does not prioritize the backlog.
  • Chuck Norris takes two baby-steps at once.
  • Chuck Norris does not use test-driven development. Chuck Norris always drives.
  • Chuck Norris is the prioritized backlog.

Any additions?